Monday, March 28, 2011

Just breathe

When you pursue something and it is a hobby, an interest, merely something you undertake to pass the time, there is no pressure, just pure enjoyment. Last week after a fabulous start on Monday with lovely comments from my consult I began to develop a serious sensation of complete and utter panic. Mounting into a frenzy of frustration, whereby my head literally could not settle to logically plan how I was going to achieve what I felt I needed to achieve within a really short period of time. If I was a single person with no other commitments than this, there would be no problem however this weekend I found myself at odds with everyone. My husband and I almost fell out, as he feels neglected, my kids want my attention too, even the cat looks to me to be fed. I admit my inexperience in this endeavour is showing through, when I get nervous I cannot do anything, I freeze, burying my head and trying to only focus on what I think is important, which by the end of last week was the book.

After a good night sleep I realise it is not the most important issue in the world and I am attempting to calm myself and readdress my anxieties. Especially after I found myself at the middle school at 7.30am for a meeting that is to be held tomorrow. It is at this point I realise I have probably lost the plot somewhere. I can laugh now  and it will work out better as my husband who is now talking to me will be able to attend also. This week it is my intention to remain on track review what my consult says today, deep breathe, and plan, how I proceed from here trying not to feel rushed. Cheers for listening
This small excerpt is when the band play before an audience for the first time they use their songs to send out  positive messages. Would welcome any feedback, looking to improve the music element part of the story, trying to capture the essence of a live performance as I think this part needs to be explored a bit more.

        We moved quickly, the others already there getting organized, and ready to play. We took to the stage, waiting behind the closed curtains. Excitement building, I could barely speak, just winking at Danni as we each took to our place on the stage, my heart is running, pure adrenaline pumping through me, it is as if I am someone else, I feel calm and ready, full of anticipation. We can hear the crowd going crazy; they know it is us, as they shout out impatiently for us to begin. Principal Grayson is speaking out in the front beyond the curtain, which is all that separates us,
“Finally ladies, and gentlemen, please give a very warm welcome to our very own senior group called, “Fusion” singing their debut song called, “The Promise”.
        With that there was a thunderous sound of screams, and shouts it was crazy. Then the curtains opened. There is silence for a moment. Then the music starts. Danni slowly begins to weave her magic on the violin, Morgan and Alex join in strutting around strumming their electric guitars, and finally Evan adds to the group bringing them altogether creating harmony on his drums. The music is very upbeat and catchy, as I hear the melody, I begin to sway to the sound, the words I know by heart, as the rhythm invades me, I am someone else, letting go, singing the words of love, and longing. I am alive with no inhibitions. Staring into the abyss that is the audience, my voice is loud, strong and sure of the message it is delivering, full of passion believing without question in the words of love. I close my eyes reliving my fantasy, as I open them slowly; the face I had searched for was there before me, watching me closely. As I continue with the song it is as if I am singing directly to him. I cannot help it, he is drawing me in.
         I held the microphone tight in my hand, as I twist and turn, my left arm raised way up in the air, the song is about love and how it overcomes many obstacles, my eyes are wide, my lips are dry, my vision again turns to look into Roberts face, he is transfixed with the scene as I sing the last words,
“One life, one love, for always ... “
The song ends, and I close my eyes bending to say thank you, there was a hushed silence, and then a waterfall of wild applause, screams, and whistles. It was totally unbelievable as if the gods had been watching us from on high, all my nervousness had vanished, and I had loved being on stage, everyone seemed to feel the same. I had not wanted it to end. The curtain drew together signaling the finish. I was hot, and thirsty reaching for some water, Danni came over towards me and we just hugged and laughed,
“That was awesome” Morgan said, we all agreed.
Everyone was ecstatic, talking all at once, overcome with emotions and excitement. I could feel perspiration running down my back; it was hot on stage under the lights. Alex walked over to me, grabbed hold of me around the waist and without any warning kissed me straight on the lips, it was silly to pull away, it had been an amazing night. When at last he stopped, he looked deeply into my face,
“I couldn’t take my eyes of you. It was amazing, you were shining.” he said so excited not letting go of his hold on me. He looked around, his face flushing he was quite overcome with emotion,
“You were all fantastic.“He said to everyone and we all hugged together.
 Principal Grayson appeared,
"One of the symptons of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is
           terribly important,"                     Bertrand Russell

Update, after an hour long consult I am happy to report again some lovely comments but I am not going to run away with these wonderful words of encouragement. As I want now reorganise my story and truly decide which way I want the story to read. It is a love story for young adults that spans time it concerns a promise that was made and ultimately the challenges that brings when faced with existing in a different  less restrictive setting, where there are more choices. It is a fantasy, that asks can true love exist and survive all things. My panic behind me now, as I acknowledge I will not be ready for the Muse. I cannot be ready by the 6th so I am adjusting my timetable for a further 2 weeks to revise my manuscript and then begin to write my query letter and synopsis. Cheers Love feedback, advice, xx