Monday, September 27, 2010


" Life is a roller coaster ride " by Ronan Keating , this is how I am feeling  most of the time at the moment .Each day is challenging ,and I am trying to write something every day to give me a routine . Some days are more productive than others .Last Wednesday I felt charged ,and so excited  I made huge progress  I could have gone on writing all day apart from the obvious restraints that is the life of a housewife .

Then the next day, it felt as if I was pulling teeth just trying to get started . I laughed as I realised how our children are so like ourselves.When faced with a difficult piece of homework they  will find a million other tasks to complete before the one in hand .There fore I gave into this distraction realising  that perhaps I needed the mental break so as to recharge . Music, really gives me a huge boost ,and I find I day dream more easily, then the creative side pours out .My frustration at the moment is trying to stay focused ,and not feeling in a rush to get the writing done. I would rather write one  amazing chapter than several mediocre one's  .Also I find I have to write things down as I am scared I am going to forget brilliant songs ,quotes I have read or thoughts that just creep into my head .So I am taking pen and paper with me where ever I go .

Exercising is becoming a joy to me I look forward to going to the gym ,and when I am there I am in my own world listening to the music on my Ipod , smiling to myself .God help the person next to me as I have been known on occasion to start humming my particular favourites . I find it so therapeutic I feel so good afterwards, and I am sure it is contributing to keeping me so excited about my writing .I feel so more alive .

I do love this life ,and even though I hate roller coasters they make me feel sick ,light headed , and dizzy . I am used to stress , and it's challenges so I take the ride on ,enjoying the butterflies ,and feelings of euphoria well aware of the lows lurking not too far away .This is when I will call on you all to help keep me going , share a glass of wine with my hubbie or indulge in some lovely  chocolate . My one weakness !!! No matter what ,  I will finish what I have started .

Finally to end  this weeks instalment , I would like to say a big thank you for the lovely  words of encouragement from my friends , and family . I love that ,and need that to keep me going. Please keep them coming . Any  thoughts / ideas for music would be such a help as would any constructive criticism I can take it I promise .Thanks for looking, enjoy your life ,and make the most of it each day ,

"If music be the food of love , play on ." Shakespeare Twelfth Night
I cannot be in a world without music ,it is truly inspirational xxxxx

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What Now ?: New Day

What Now ?: New Day: "I ,started this blog in an effort to record my experiences and discoveries about myself as I face an empty nest in the day and what implica..."

What Now ?: Inspiration

What Now ?: Inspiration: "So the kids are back in school ,my oldest is working and I had imagined that my time would be free ,and that the day would be looming in fro..."

Monday, September 20, 2010


I decided to write this blog to record my trials and tribulations of attempting to complete my first fictional book ,which I had started to write last November. Since , April of this year I have been at at stand still ,with the summer, and family visiting ,well  I have not put pen to  paper .Therefore , I thought it would be interesting to give myself this challenge of working to a deadline , giving me incentive to be organised and to ensure that I would finish what I had started .

With the kids all in school or away, the perfect opportunity seems to have created itself , and after spending a lot of time worrying ,and debating about what to do next , I decided to take the risk, and follow the dream .My dream is to be able to write a book that I am happy with ,one that I can get published ,and hopefully enable myself to create a new career , and a new me .Hopefully the new me  can bring something to the household table other than dinner .

Anyway, today I felt great. I was up, and feeling wide awake having had a good sleep, the kids were all in school by 8am .At 8.20 I was in the gym for my first session of the week ,and listening to Madonna's "Confessions on the dance floor " which is brilliant for taking your mind off the fact you are doing a workout .So time passes quickly ,and before you know it , I have been there an hour , legs aching but I can walk .I feel amazing either the endorphins are kicking in or it is the fact that some men at the gym look like the men off  the "Coke Break" advert , it is okay to look, right !! !! .Needless to say I leave the gym with a large grin on my face .

I feel really excited today I have my plan ,hours of free time before me ,I have rearranged to write my blog in the evening so now after my shower ,and tidying up I can get to it, my writing  .Well ,I get home have a cup of tea ,realise I haven't eaten breakfast so I am starving ,I quickly make some special K cereal ,and feel better ,shower ,wash my hair, and get ready to sit to write .When writing I find you can sit for quite a while before you can think what to say , and then you need to read ,and re-read to see where you are ,and where you are headed .

My story is a romance ,and I love trying to develop my characters and to see how I can make the people  seem real .Once ,I get started I feel I don't want to stop it takes a while to get to that place and it's frustrating when you have to stop.However, it is physically hard to sit for too long, your bottom gets quite sore ,and your back aches so I find I take Lot's of short breaks where I get up ,and walk around thinking my story through .I wonder how on earth Stephanie Meyer could manage to create such a wonderful story ,and complete her trilogy of books namely  the "Twilight Saga" with 3 young kids under her belt . I certainly do not have her academic background of a degree in English Literature but I loved her books ,and she is an inspiration to me ,and partly the reason I decided I should have a go at trying to create a wonderful story one that comes to you in your dreams .

I love the sun I smile so much more when it is out don't you ,and today has been full of glorious sunshine it makes you feel all is good in the world .I have worked hard today ,and I feel as though I am getting back in touch with my story , but the day of my writing is short as the kids come trundling in through the hallway ,and I know my quiet time is done for now .I wish I could write when the kids are in bed but I am too tired by then so until tomorrow .

I will leave you with this  :
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched .They must be felt with the heart ."
Helen Keller
We could all do with a bit more love in the world .

Cheers .

Friday, September 17, 2010

New Day

I ,started this blog in  an effort to record my experiences and discoveries about myself as I face an empty nest in the day and what implications that has for me .Trying to find what I really want to do for myself now that I have more time .After considering my options of looking for employment anywhere ,or going back to college to re-register as a nurse /midwife I have  chosen to follow a dream .I  believe if I do not give it a go now then I never will and for that I can only blame myself. God bless my husband who is happy that I am happy !!

Having said that, every day is new I find that even my reasons for this increase. As a stay at home mum, I strongly believe that  the day I took off my midwife's uniform , and  I stayed at home to take care of my children full time I changed completely .It's funny when I was first introduced to a man that my husband had been talking at a BBQ , he said to me ," Oh, so you are the Midwife " .

I had not delivered a baby in 9 years ,so it felt  funny that this would be called upon to describe me I am many things why this ? I think people like to put everyone  into tidy little boxes , when at the end of the day , no matter what I do I am always  Jennie with many titles to my name you know them .Mother, wife ,daughter ,sister, nurse,midwife, cook, cleaner ,taxi driver, teacher, counsellor friend ,it goes on .

Anyway, I am not the person I was when I worked on the wards of a busy labour ward ,I had confidence in my skills , I could communicate with a variety of people from Dr's to social workers to Mr&Mrs Jones who had just walked in off the streets ready to deliver. I was used to developing a rapport instantaneously  talking with complete strangers gaining their confidence in me in a very short time. Today, I find communication a lost art for me, especially dealing with people I hardly know .Not only do I find it uneasy talking to people I don't know but what I actually end up saying is questionable .

I am not sure exactly why this is ,I suspect many things spending  the majority of my day with toddlers your conversational skills are on a basic level , you forget long words  .The topics you tend to talk about when socialising with other mums revolve around the children naturally . This is my experience, mum's are busy and are days full ,we are caught up with the daily rituals that are our children, and we share our experiences with each other it is what brings us together and it is what gets us through .Only now as they are getting older I need to rediscover my confidence and my speech ,this blog helps .

Therefore, this year I need to become reacquainted  with the English language ,and the art of conversation ,to improve  my grammar ,increase my vocabulary ,and understand  the skills involved in writing .I understand that communication is a powerful tool and it has many interpretations so to use it wisely . I am hoping this blog ,your feedback ,and comments will help me in my journey .Today was a long day but a good one .

"Courage is daring to take that first step .Courage is refusing to quit even when you're intimidated by impossibility .Courage is thinking big ,aiming high,and shooting far ,and stopping at nothing to make it a reality."

Thanks for listening
That's all for now
Cheers Jennie

Thursday, September 16, 2010


So the kids are back in school ,my oldest is working and I had imagined that my time would be free ,and that the day would be looming in front of me with nothing to fill it .However ,the opposite seems to be true I seem to spend more time tidying up than ever !!!Now I find myself being up early ,getting all the children off to school making sure they have had some  breakfast and made their packed lunches to take with them .Then there is the cleaning to be done ,this is never ending also the washing to be put on the drying to be sorted .This goes on ,there are  general household chores to be done and then I am off to the gym.

In the 9 years I have been at home my day has revolved mainly around arranging playdates and  activities for the boys  to be kept busy and entertained . As a result , I know I am not as fit and healthy as I need to be this is important to me as I try to discover what it is that I am going to do with the rest of my life . It is important  to recapture my energy to be able to make the most of the day and still be able to carry out all that is necessary when the children come home .Namely , cooking tea ,doing homework taking them to their sports , reading with my youngest, and then getting everyone to bed .

Although  , the boys are all in full time school, the day is really not long , the older boys are home off the bus by 2.30 starving ,and demanding attention with cries of ," I need your help with my homework " times two .My window for writing my blog and actually doing the writing that I love is very short  .Being a novice to creative writing I can appreciate that even when you have time, sometimes you cannot get started . So with that in mind  I already feel a sense of panic knowing I have to fit my desires into this  short window of opportunity .However ,what gives me a sense of belief in myself comes from within and I try to focus on doing things one step at a time believing as I do that it will all come together  once I establish a good routine .I will be fine !!!I will be !!!

So, I head off to my local gym for the first time in over 6 years I am unfit I get breathless walking up a small incline .I am  over weight by at least 1 stone so this step for me has many implications  . I hope ! I want to get fit to increase my stamina and to lose some very necessary extra curves and bumps .Previously when I was a member of the YMCA I used to exercise whilst the boys were swimming or undertaking  classes and I used to love the feeling I had when I could work out . I am not co-ordinated at all and even though I had tried different programmes   such as Step , I just never quite got it .I would be going the opposite way to everyone else. My friends would say the more you go you will learn the routine but seriously I just couldn't get it .In the end I would hide in the back out of embarrassment so I stopped going . The tread mills ,the bikes I can manage, I get to choose my time and the  incline plus  there is a stop button if it all gets too much . I love it .I do get a bit nervous as I am walking quite fast ,and  feel tempted to run which causes me to think I may  have a heart attack  or to think that I will  be very unceremoniously  catapulted off the thing .So I take it slow and I hope to build myself up so one day you will see me running on those machines looking like the lady who is next to me .She is very slim her legs are long and lean with a  small bottom and very flat abdomen .That will be me one day  apart from the long bit as I am only 5ft so I will  never be described by anyone as having long lean legs . 

My work out does inspire me .I feel good coming out apart from the fact that I cannot stop shaking and that I spent an incredible amount of time just trying to get my Ipod working .  I could not hear the music , and kept playing with the buttons increasing decreasing the volume getting it tangled into the handles as I am trying my hardest to keep up with the conveyor belt . Eventually ,I realise that the connection is loose not that I am going deaf ! I come home with a smile ,and cannot wait to get back to the gym now I know how it works .

Inspiration comes from everywhere and you need to be inspired to be creative in anything .I am learning so I am excited .However with the challenge I have set myself I know I need to be super organised .I know I need to get better with my time if I am to achieve what I want .Even with boys in school , and after going to the gym  and a quick shower ,  I come home prepare tea in advance. Only then do I allow myself to sit and begin the process of creating my blog . Prior to starting this I had it set in my mind that I would spend 1 hour for this and then the rest of the time which is 3 hours now would be spent on my actual book .

Well all I can say is the best laid plans I spent 2 1/2 hours composing the blog and when all was said and done I only managed around 30mins for rereading my serious work and jotting down some background research .So my discovery for today is that the blog has to be written at night when the day is done and my writing has taken off this is  where I want to focus my attention or I will never get into it .

I will try not to be a  recluse , I will still be going out with the kids early in the morning and then off to the gym but  then my day of writing will start .  Or will it ?

"Love your life .Believe in your own power ,your own potential .Always believe in miracles"
Vickie m . Worsham
Until tommorrow  Jennie